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6:59 a.m. on 2001-11-24 I saw on the news how some moms were beating the stuffing (no post-Thanksgiving pun intended)out of eachother to get the good sale items at Huntington mall. Very sad. No, not just because this behavior IS expected out of women from Long Island, but because they obviously have ungrateful kids. Worse yet, the ungrateful little snots end up thanking Santa, never truly understanding the levels of fisticuffs mom engaged in. Truly, being a mom is a thankless job. But leave it to the classy broads of Huntington, Long Island to make us forget that there are other "wars" going on in the world. This time of year, we put the Al Quaeda's and the Saddam Hussein's aside and we fight for whether or not little Timmy gets his hands on the latest robotic contraption by Mattel. A battle worth fighting indeed. Of course, at stake too, in the Huntington Mall Brawl, is the coveted crown of "Miss White Trash 2001". From what I saw on TV, this one mom (who had rabies, by the looks of it) was the clear winner. She had all of three teeth (I'm not sure if she lost any fighting in the store)and uttered the immortal line to the newswoman, "If Ralphie wants it, then he's gonna get it! I won't sit at home all winter lissenin' to him complain." If, and when, I have kids, I will get them good presents if they are good. If they bring home the A's and B's and occasional C-, clean their rooms and tell me I'm the best old man whoever lived, they'll get a nice video game system. If they misbehave, bring home bad grades, don't clean their rooms and tell me "fuck off pop" I swear, I'll build those little shits a space station made out of socks and underwear. Do you hear me, you little shits??! in the slammer - up for parole CLIX |
