|
1:51 a.m. on 2002-04-26 I promised I was going to do something more constructive today. Yet, I ended up watching the mysterious Dark Shadows show again, a show which I find increasingly irritating. Somehow, it is still addictive. The whole premise is silly, it's just a bunch of puritanical looking freaks running around in Britty frocks and calling eachother Barnabas and warning one another about demon possesion. Still, I tune in once in awhile. There went that day. I hate very much being alone with my thoughts because I enjoy spontaneity...not lying in a bed and staring at a wall and pondering lifes many mysteries. Which is why I've always drugged myself up good before lights out...as Ms. Trabman, my beloved HS health teacher told me in my senior year..."Connor, anti-histamines are for more than just allergies.." at the time, I hadn't a clue what she spoke of, but 4 years later, and infinite boxes of chlortrimeton linked directly to me, I know what old Trabsie was saying. Tonight, no luck. If I were to like mainline heroin right into my heart, I would still be very awake. I looked at shadows on the wall and found one, but it's there every night. It looks like a golf club. Or maybe a soup ladle..I don't know. But it is there. Then I imagined I was a guest on Dark Shadows and Barnabas savagely scolded me for having a little fun time with his nunish daughter, Sabbatha. No luck, I just got intrigued by the story and I stayed awake. Then I realized that on May 4th, I will be 23...and I did the usual, "Oh my god, has it really been a year.." because at my party last year, I was in a good place...surrounded by friends, living off of a rather generous severance package, out of that godforsaken radio station that shaved my grades down to lower than low. It seems very odd that September 11th "happened" only 4 months later. Someone should write a book or do a study or something on peoples last happy memories or moments before September 11th. I'm chasing that dragon of my 22nd birthday, but I don't think I'll catch it. in the slammer - up for parole CLIX |
