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Elvish Madness with Jill and Legolas Greenleaf

For those of you who haven’t seen The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, I pity you. If you haven’t read the book, either, I pity you more. Though, in my personal opinion, I liked the movie better. Some authors have really good ideas and they kind of get lost talking about Tom Bombadil for seven or eight chapters. Tolkien actually wrote the books to build a culture for the languages he had created, the one upon which he was most fixated being his elvish creations, Quenya, Sindarian, and the like.

But this isn’t about Tolkien or dear old what-exactly-is-my-purpose-to-the-plot-o-wait-I-don’t-have-one-I-just-wear-funny-clothes-and-sing-a-lot Tom Bombadil. This is about our favorite prince of Mirkwood. Legolas. It’s hard to talk about him without talking about his people. So bear with me. Or stop reading.

From what I gather of the Mirkwood elves, they are kind of like the second cousin from Kentucky we all like to pretend we don’t have. Sure, these elves are wise in their own way, beautiful, immortal, their true identities not first revealed on sight. But then you find out they own an ’83 Dodge Aries with the bumper hanging off and the backseat torn out so they can fit a system in.

And that’s just the car that runs.

We, of course, have to take into consideration that Middle-Earth has no automobiles, least of all that dream machine that is a Dodge Aries. So, in general, Legolas and his kinsfolk drink a little bit more than the other elves and party in the woods and are isolated enough so that they aren’t quite as all-knowing and grand as our Rivendell friends. See The Hobbit for a bit of Bilbo perspective on Mirkwood and its inhabitants.

Legolas more than likely has a beautiful singing voice. In my readings I have not encountered an elf who doesn’t, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say they all do. It’s kind of in their blood. When the elves first entered Arda (Elvish word for the world), it was just them and some crazy hip cats called the Valar. Sort of like gods, only not. And they sang about all kinds of great things. These Valar even created many things of the world through song, including the sun and the moon. So the elves had a natural inclination for it.

The thing I felt was most left out by the film (though they did an amazing job of compressing a 398 page book into a healthy sized movie) was not only the initial dislike between Legolas and Gimli but also the eventual camaraderie between the two. In the earlier days of Middle-Earth, before Sauron and all this ring business, the elves and the dwarves had been friends. Khazad-dum, the mines of Moria, was in fact a place where elves and dwarves were wont to pass through and trade amidst themselves. The dwarves mined mithril here, and the elves fashioned it into mail much like the bit that both Frodo and Bibo wore. And as you see in the film and read in the book, the door of Khazad-dum bears Elvish characters.

Legolas and Gimli were initially quite hostile toward each other. One of the most fascinating things I read of in the book was their trip through the Lothlorien. The book left out the complications of this venture, for obvious reasons, but in the book no dwarf had ever been allowed in Lothlorien. When they first came to it one of Galadriel’s scouts would not permit Gimli access, but he was finally persuaded to allow Gimli through; the compromise being that he would have to be blindfolded. Gimli was naturally righteous pissed, but Aragorn assuaged his anger when he claimed that they would all be blindfolded until they reached Galadriel. And there, she welcomed Gimli, and bid them all remove their blindfolds. It was quite a momentous gesture when so long hatred had existed between the dwarves and the elves. Gimli, also, was humble and awed in her presence, and proclaimed thus. His actions were also a warrant to his people.

Tolkien describes Gimli and Legolas as eventually becoming “fast friends,” and it really is just lovely to see these two guys get along. Not only is Legolas immortal and attractive and talented, he’s also a swell friend. Gee. What more could you ask for?

Bad-ass archery skills. Yep. He’s got that covered. Orlando Bloom, the actor who portrayed Legolas in the film, claimed that he had to train for about two months to master the bow for the movie. He said that by the end of his training, he was shooting paper plates out of the sky.

Not to mention whacking orcs left and right.

To conclude, Legolas is absolutely dreamy. He’s immortal, so his labido is never going to lay down, if you know what I mean. He sings. He probably writes poetry. He’s diplomatic and friendly and brave. He can kill three Uruk Hai in a row. See the absolute best scene of the film, the battle at Amon Hen. And in Elvish ‘Legolas’ means ‘Greenleaf.’ So his name is really Greenleaf Greenleaf.

The perfect man. Er, elf.

Astera

in the slammer - up for parole